got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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