i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
