Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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