Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
