Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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