Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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