apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
