I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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