just tell him i said nine months
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize