the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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