All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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