U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you had me at cake vodka
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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