My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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