I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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