so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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