Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
