She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
