I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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