youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
