She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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