Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
