my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
