Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
