he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
