dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
