My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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