Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
