It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
These tits shall not be calmed
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
