You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We have started to decorate penises.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
