I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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