i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
