Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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