My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I DEMAND FORESKIN
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
