no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
