It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
