Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
