I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
