My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize