Your tits are I can't wait for
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
