You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
