i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I deserve this hangover.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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