Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
