dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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