i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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