first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I enjoy the company of your penis
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize