I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Randomize
