She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
