i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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