All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You were trust falling into bushes
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
