My liver just broke up with me...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
