I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
