how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize