I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize