All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
