Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
