1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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