____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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