im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
