You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
