At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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