dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
