she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
