Im at strip club and am horny
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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