she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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