$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
one might say we're banned from that church
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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