you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
