she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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