She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
