I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
