I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
