I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
