i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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