you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
