And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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