Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
