shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
