4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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