This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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