My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
