if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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