Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
