Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize