why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
