Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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