So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
