We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
