Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
