So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize