you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
