Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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