I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
