apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
