I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
