honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
