I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
