Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
