Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
