i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
