first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
