My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
