Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
