He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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