A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
how does that bad decision feel?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
