Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize