I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
