Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
